When it comes to conflict, most of us have a default approach: we either tend to avoid it or seek it out. The avoiders among us shy away from disagreements, value harmony and positive relationships, and will often try to placate people or even change the topic. Avoiders don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or disrupt team dynamics. Seekers (and I’m one of them!) seem eager to engage in disagreements. They tend to care about directness and honesty, lose their patience when others aren’t being equally direct, and don’t mind ruffling feathers.
How People with Different Conflict Styles Can Work Together
Know your natural tendency.
July 24, 2017
Summary.
When it comes to conflict, most of us we either tend to avoid it or seek it out. Neither style is better or worse, but it’s useful to know what your natural tendency is and, when you get into a conflict with someone else, to put some thought into the other person’s style. Knowing how the other person typically reacts in a tense situation is useful information. assess the other person’s style and be aware of how your two styles interact. For example, if you’re both avoiders, know that both of you lean toward doing nothing and you may tamp down feelings that could explode later on. One of you needs to take the lead so you might say directly, “I know neither of us likes conflict, but instead of ignoring the problem, what can we do about it?” Do your best to draw the other person out in a sensitive, thoughtful way. If things get tough, don’t shy away. You’ll need to fight your natural instinct in this case.