A brief, no-fluff summary of Robert Cialdini’s Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.
Six Principles to Always Get Your Way
Cialdini has spent a lifetime researching the psychology of compliance.
The book highlights six principles of persuasion, which are commonly used by compliance practitioners.
We all employ them and fall victim to them, to some degree, in our daily interactions with neighbors, friends, lovers, and offspring. But the compliance practitioners have much more than the vague and amateurish understanding of what works than the rest of us have. … It is odd that despite their current widespread use and looming future importance, most of us know very little about our automatic behavior patterns. Perhaps that is so precisely because of the mechanistic, unthinking manner in which they occur. Whatever the reason, it is vital that we clearly recognize one of their properties: They make us terribly vulnerable to anyone who does know how they work.
These principles work via near-automatic response – a “nearly mechanical process by which the power within these weapons can be activated, and the consequent exploitability of this power by anyone who knows how to trigger them.”
1. Reciprocation
This principle is timeless. When you’re nice to someone, they are nice back. When you’re mean to someone, they are mean back.
The key to unlocking reciprocation is to go first and go positive.
Most people are passive — they wait for someone to do something nice before they do something nice for them. However, if you go positive and go first without expectations, the world will do most of the work for you.
Reciprocation works on multiple levels. We are more likely to trust someone who trusts us. We want to help people who help us.
Reciprocation is the basis of cashing in points, calling in a favor, owing other people one, etc. I did it for you, and now you do it for me.
One way to resist this is to refuse the initial favor or gift. Once you accept, it becomes harder to stay outside the influence.
2. Consistency
Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment.
It’s easier to get people to comply with requests they see as consistent with what they’ve already said (especially in your presence.)
This is the basis for one of the most powerful interview tips ever. If you ask people to state their priorities and goals and then align your proposals with that in mind, you make it harder for people to say no.
Once you’ve got a man’s self-image where you want it, he should comply naturally with a whole range of your requests that are consistent with this new view of himself.
Consistency is the basis for the Ikea Effect and why people value something more if they have to work for it.
Say less at work, and you’ll be more flexible when things change. Also, examine why you want to comply and if things have changed. And keep a decision journal to see how often you’re wrong — there is no point in holding on to bad ideas.
3. Social Proof
we…use the actions of others to decide on proper behavior for ourselves.
Ever wonder why TV shows use laugh tracks. It’s so you know when to laugh. We’ll let you sit on that one for a minute.
People will likely say yes when they see others doing it, too. This is amplified in situations of uncertainty, where we look to others for cues on what we should do. This can be dangerous.
In an emergency, you might look around for clues on what to do and how to act. Others, of course, might do the same thing. This is why, when you take emergency training, one of the first things you learn is how to give explicit instructions to people by pointing at them. For example, pointing at someone and saying ‘you call 911’. Then, you point to another person and ask them to do something else.
Cialdini writes:
In the process of examining the reactions of other people to resolve our uncertainty, however, we are likely to overlook a subtle but important fact. Those people are probably examining the social evidence, too.
Consider walking into a restaurant in a foreign city. You’re starving and have no idea what’s good. Luckily, there is a section of the menu labeled “most popular dishes,” that’s exactly what you’re likely to order.
Social proof is not all bad. It’s one of the main ways we learn in life.
4. Liking
Your best friend can convince you of nearly anything — no matter how foolish. However, it’s nearly impossible for someone you don’t like to change your mind on something, no matter how obviously right they are.
Tupperware parties work on the principle of liking. Who can say no to a good friend?
One way people exploit this principle is to find ways to make you like them. Do you like golf? Me too. Do you like football? Me too. Do you like reading? Me too. Although often these are genuine, sometimes they’re maniulative. A quick look at how FBI agents establish quick rapport will give you a useful summary of the basics.
You are more prone to liking people who like you. This is why Joe Girard, the world’s “greatest car salesman,” sends every customer a holiday card with the message “I like you.” And you know what, it works. People go back to him.
5. Authority
This relates to our tendency to be persuaded by authority figures who demonstrate knowledge, confidence, and credibility.
This is why most talks from people you are not familiar with start with a bio or background. These few minutes are used to establish the authority of the speaker and increase the odds they can influence the audience. Overt signs of authority – a uniform, engineering rings, or a lab coat all signal authority.
We’re taught from a young age to listen to those in charge. Most times, this works out ok, but sometimes it doesn’t. Blind trust can kill you.
The first rule of flying is that the co-pilot is never supposed to let the plane crash, no matter what, even in a simulator. The pilot, however, is the authority figure on the plane. In simulators, they’ve had pilots intentionally do things that will obviously crash the plane and the co-pilot just sits there because the pilot is the authority figure.
6. Scarcity
It is easy enough to feel properly warned against scarcity pressures, but it is substantially more difficult to act on that warning.
We all want something other people don’t or can’t have. If you offer people something rare or scarce, they are more likely to want it.
We just bought a book off Amazon, and interestingly, on the page, they said, “Only 2 left in stock.” That’s scarcity. We better order now, or we might have to wait. And we don’t know about you, but we don’t want to miss out.
Conclusion
Each principle works by itself in a powerful way. Together the sum is much greater than each one individually. If you want a deeper look at the principles but aren’t sure you want to read the whole book, spend an hour listening to this conversation with Robert that goes into more detail about the psychology of persuasion.
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